Its My Aero-Plan.

So they say everything has to have a plan.

look i am a random person like 80% of the time.

Planning my life is almost the last on my list.

Im a self-proclaimed OCD b*tch but things like these sometimes *bleargh.

Well I guess being plan-less has taken its toll on me.

So you ask, Whats my plan now?

let me tell you, Yeah. Maybe.

Well donning the headscarf wasn't in my plan. Not for at least until Im forty.

so you see I decided, or maybe its just a calling from (capital) HIM, on the day I went for an interview with an ustaz (an islamic clergy). 

All he has to say is, 

PUAN MILA, SEBAIK NYER AWAK BER TUDUNG. 

What it meant was,

 MADAM MILA, ITS BEST FOR YOU TO WEAR THE HEADSCARF.

For Faith, Love and Strange Weather.

So, the journey began. Part of my plan? No.

But part of my plan to stay this way until forever, of course.

His voice & words was on loop. every single time I attempt to not put it on.

I didn't plan to be jobless.

But I am planning my A** off to get a job and take care of Zyan's education.

I am planning to sell my property off in a year or two, so I could get one more, hmmm. no where close to where i am now. That's a whole different story and a lot of planning, heavy planning and research.

I plan to do a lot of things in the near future but i just don't know where to start.

Im not planning to travel at this very moment, my paranoia has gotten the best of me with all the news of plane crash and missing, its crazy. I worry you know. Got me all paranoid.

Oh yes, I plan to get my eyes done this year. i think I'm going blind. hahaha *paranoid again*

Lasik lah, lasik.

so yes, I need to save up again. but I'm jobless how to save.

So help me Allah.

Worka Worka Worka

I have this serious allergy to full time jobs, or maybe it’s the other way round. I can’t seem to glue with full time, and I mean a full-time paying job.

For the longest time I have been trying to land myself in the simplest job like Admin Assistant or Receptionist or Personal Assistant non seem to land on my lap.

I have long gave up on complicated, shift jobs that uses too much brain memory space. Seriously!

All because I need my brain for domesticate purposes.

Mainly because I Have got no external help from any sources for example my parents. They will only help my pick Zyan up on Fridays (a whole new story will tell you soon.)

I have got no maid to help me with chores and cooking. I am a neat freak so there is a lot of mental and physique activity going on there.

 Another thing is, I seriously cannot be mentally drained because I know when I come back from work, I need to attend to Zyan – shower, a little bit more homework that his day care teacher left out. Checking his school bag, make sure his uniform for tomorrow is ready, clean socks, cooking his pasta for dinner, wash up, clean up, vacuum, laundry (if any) and the list goes on.

So here’s my story with these 3 jobs I had, now no more.

Ending 2014 was tough because I decide to move back to my own place.

There was a lot of decision making and sacrifices – monetary wise, no doubt. It is like taking a huge pay cut and luxuries. Not that I buy luxury brands but travelling and getting to buy stuff for us at anytime I want, a lot of sacrifices going on there.

After 2 years of renting out my place, moving back was tough but there was privacy.

By the end of 2014, I thought well it is time to get serious and get a real job that pays according to my papers.

Oh but no.

I landed myself a job recommended by the agency, a Kids photography store, it looks all new and young and fresh, fun. They offered me that role of a Manager with quite an alright salary as a start. I waited 3 months when they decide to tell me they were having some financial matters with the investors.

I was frustrated, funds were running low. Need to pay bills.

So I decide to take it to my own hands and send my resume to another company that a friend recommended. A company dealing with luxury brands. So I land myself for an interview for the post of a sales associate BUT the human resource person offered me a higher role of an operations executive. You know what? I took it. It was with a very famous American brand, dealing with scents.

It was alright until business started to kick in and after Christmas, that was about 2 weeks into my job, shit starts to happen.

First things first, I know nuts about this industry. No one actually sat with me to go thru the whole process and documents and reports. Like where I can find the report, which folder in the systems. Cut things short, how the operations and SOPs, I need to do a DIY, some of the documents were from the scratch. So it took me quite some time to figure things out and put it together. There was no time for lunch, no time for anything. Work kept piling up, my weekends- Burn! I came to work anxious.

I was so tired everyday. Drained out. My boss wasn’t happy saying that I am taking too much time with work and I was not accelerating.

How to if I’m piled up with everything else! I need to do her Claims from the scratch, make a spreadsheet for her to track her claims. I also have to compile the regional commission and also do up a commission chart for all the regional stores. That’s Singapore, Macau, Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia in all that’s about 15 stores. Oh not forgetting I was slapped with a KPI report that I have never done before, was taught how to do it in less then 5mins. Not only day I need to submit the daily sales to the bosses as well. Claims from staffs. And the list never ends. Seriously it was a doable job only if….

 I know I am a newbie. No one sat with me to go through what I really need to do thoroughly. It was tough and at the same time I don’t want to keep bugging them with “ how do I do this, how do I do that, where do I find this” most of the time in meetings, I was almost clueless.

I fell sick.

So during the 4 days of medical leave, I made a decision to leave the company. It was not doing anyone any good. Not even Zyan, I didn’t have time for him and I didn’t have much patience cos I was rushing to finish up my ‘homework’. I was cursing myself. I should have taken up the retail job. Pfft.

So I start to send out resumes again. interviewed. One even offered me a $1300 job but it was way to far for me. so i got home, did my calculations. I turned the offer down. I end up with no savings at all, after subtracting my bill, transportation, meal, groceries, cat's stuffs, YEAP - no savings.

Well in between I was  also doing transcibing, freelance with an organisation, and its homebased. 

Then, i land myself a job with a Bank, in the loan department. everything sounded and looked promising. the basic they offered was alright, the commission was also good. 

the nightmare came when training starts.

well it was alright at first. the learning journey was fun but those nights and day when you have to drill the product knowledge in your head, the calculations.

3 days to your exam and you are pushing yourself to the limit.but hey i made it 5 more marks to a perfect score. There it was my 5mins of happiness and then back to nightmare. Aural test in the next few days. It will be a role play. it sucks. i suck. i failed and kept failing. I knew I studied, I knew i could do it but my mind got blocked. I fail, I had to quit.

Maybe its God's way of saying this job is not for me. I dont know.

-        

I tried self-comfort, and trying to make sense of everything. What is wrong with me. Am I not meant to work or what? Or is it just me? What is wrong with me? God!! is it your way of telling me to be a better mom? I don't know man. looking for a job is frustrating. Going for interviews and rejections. going through a whole new environment, compromising your ideal salary. Makes me wanna puke sometimes. Anxiety you know.

 So now, I am back to being jobless. well not really i still have my transcribing- Thank GOD! at least abit of money rolling in and something to keep me sane but alot of earwax haha!

Back to adventure - yeap..when nothing is certain, it should be called adventure. See im consoling myself again.

Seventh Year of Existence

People often underestimate my love for my boys just because my way of mothering is non conventional, maybe some say slacker mom, some say i look detached or whatever. 
Yup
Whatever.
I love them. Equally.

Today is Zyan's 7th year of existence. Been through think and thin with him. 
Seen the best and worse days with me.  
Good and monsterous side of me. 
We, too have our love hate moments. 
Nonetheless we love each other no less but more. Unconditionally.
He once said he wish to have me as his teacher, he will want his girlfriend to be like me and marry someone like me. 
Yes. Coming from a 7 year old.
Well son, I will ways du'a for the best, for you to be respectful and be respected.  Love Allah and be kind to others. Be a wise man,  Son.
THESE are the words for you and your brother, everyday without fail, sent to Allah.

Love 

Mom.

The Ultimate Peeves

Here is the countdown to MY

Top 10 pet peeves drumroll

10. Toilet seat left open (applies only to home bathroom).

There was an article I read somewhere, which aggravated my paranoia. A dirty truth about the toilet bowl and the toothbrush. There was an experiment that showed the toothbrushes was tainted with speckles of fecal if you do not cover the seats, especially when it is within a radius of 60cm. I fear not only myself but also my family members.

9. Finger prints on mirror / glasses

Only the mind of an OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) would get this. Only you know what I mean. We cringe and our eyes itch every time we see this.

8.People talking(loudly) across the karaoke room while you’re singing like crazy.

Your voice is a muscle. Every muscle movement is an effort. And off cos, you feel under appreciated.

7.They abruptly (rudely) cut your story short & then conveniently digressing into a whole different subject.

Like what?! Either he is deaf or I am the boring one. or maybe She’s into her retarded moment. Or maybe I was too soft. No but yeah, but no, but yeah.

6.No courtesy call or text to tell you about the cancelled meeting.

Well, I think it is more like avoiding your calls and they refuse to give you a courtesy text so that you won’t be waiting like a bloody fool. Sometimes I feel like the table is turned back to you. It becomes your fault for the 500 miss calls. It becomes your fault that they bailed on you. Some people are just thick in the head.

5.Senseless Dressing

Ultra short shorts showing off saggy bums makes me boil. Call me conservative, old aunty, old school and not fashionable. Well sister, fashion are made to phase out (OUT OF FASHION) so I don’t care. Take those micro pants to the beach not the streets. You are just degrading your little saggy bum for no reason. Not worth it. You wanna be in style and in fashion, well have some pride then.

4.STOMP! – seriously unnecessary news and complaints.

Annoying reports. Enough said.

3.Extra Territorial.

People who crosses my personal space and then I get anxious. If you see me tremble, just walk away.

2.One who knows me for only two days and speaks in innuendos (I am directing this to the men!)

Ewwww!!! No ok noooo! Like ok stay as far away as you can before I shoot you with a silver bullet. I have come across such people and they’re usually old perverts. Do I have a singnage flickering on my forehead or what?

1.The Me-too and the I’m-gonna-get-the-same-thing-You-have Syndrome.

Shut up already. I don’t need to know. Stay away you problematic piece of crap. I don’t need a clown as my clone.

SO, this the ultimate list and its a wrap.

• breathe, breathe-

B.A.L.I

 

Date: 25th May-18th June

Duration: 25days

So here are my updates on the not-so-recent travel I did with Zyan.

Just the both of us cos the my 1st love Atiq has school to attend to. He is 12, if you need to know, so school is pretty important now.

Anyway, I decide to forego my Spain-Portugal-Paris trip for this because I want this little one to follow and experience Bali's crazy air and waves. PLUS, being with me for a full 25days, no one else.

1st week is Learning Week

We learned surfing with Rip Curl School of surf in Legian.

He loved but got tired and cold after like hmmm 30mins?

Well I got him a one-on-one class with the instructorè, Adi. How cute my son. I was very nervous for him actually, his first time without me in the sea, on a board but I have to throw him out there to learn. Im hardcore like that. I kept repeating to myself, " He's a boy its ok. Let him be."

So

Next was my turn to take the board and educate myself with a whole new surfing vocabulary. It was all worth it. learned for to Eskimo roll, how to look at the rips and learn the swells etc. We had 1 hour of theory lesson and 1 hour of practical for 2days. i was pretty much surprised that I could ride the wave in spite of my injured tailbone. I can't feel the pain while in the water. So this is how water therapy feel like, now I know.

We did our trips up to Ubud and Tanah Lot as well. He enjoyed it but I didn't cos' traffic was horrible.

2nd week : We Explore into the Beauty

Our week 2 was the best so by cos we adapted to the bali way of life, weather and time.

We did the 

Gitgit waterfall

Uluwatu Temple

Pura Besakih

Padang-padang beach

Pandawa the secret beach ( but not a secret anymore, just like Victoria's Secret)

Our Villa Ampels in Uluwatu was Amazing. Amazing view from our porch, amazing staffs, and what is amazing it is a 5 minutes walk to padang-padang beach.

Let me show you, this is what we woke up to every morning. The view from our porch.

 And Zyan got his daily dosage of pool, 2 times a day for 6 days.

This is what we did on the 10th of May- yes, Mom's bday.

We hung out watching sunset by this beautiful cliff restaurant

Blue Haven.

This is love.

Learned:

1) 25days of patience.

2) Independence: Pros and Cons. You are the controller, you are the pilot without the air trafic controller, uses a lot of brain juice and power. It is therefore very exhausting.

3)No parental (Mine) Government : Pros and Cons too. hehe

4) Heightened my survivor mode & intuitions i feel like a lioness. Ever Ready to prance at any danger.

5) My organization skills went up 10 notch (*ehem).

- Monetarily, i , off cos need to calculate, $2000 for 25days/ 2 of us.

- Time: This is crutial as well. As for me, I prefer to not drive at night unless no choice, not on Bali roads not with my kid around. It is dangerous due to the poor of street lights, I rather not take that risk. 8pm latest.

- Logistically: Bottled water, Fresh-clean clothes, Meals, munchies, transportation.

- Geographically: have you seen the map of bali? It is basically not KUTA or Seminyak only. There are other much much beautiful places you know.

- Organizing our itinerary: Like I said, its not only Kuta and Seminyak and ubud Only. So, I had to organize where to go and which day to go. If we're too tired to wake up too early to travel to Gitgit and Lovina or not, loads of consideration. Oh well, sometimes we just do it.

We kinda busted our funds a little bit with some unforeseen miscellaneous and expenses like fines, punctured tyre and unnecessary 'tour guides' but OH WELL these things happen, I moved on. Sigh.

All in all we had fun, memories were made and I tell you, it was 'unerasable' for Zyan. He learned and adapted to my habits, behavoir and whatsoever. We learned to make each other happy and make do with what we have and what we do not have. I guess this is just like being in any relationship.

Despite all the hardships and the almost naturalist lifestyle, he loved his time there and he request to go back to Bali - Again.

Bitch

Not the noun but the verb.

 

I am trying means and ways to stop bitching about anyone or stop bitching with anyone.

This is the toughest especially.

This Bitch knows no boundary, it does not discriminate. It is everywhere like a plague, a mind and mouth plague.
This could happen in family, workplace, friends and form of the human relationship, there will be bitching.

No wonder Gossip Girl was so addictive back then. WHO HATES GOSSIP? I can tell you..no one. Everybody loves Gossip.. xoxo. 

Well I need to try and cut that down, even better, stop.

But the only way to stop is to self-isolate or be on social strike. Gosh, how is that even possible. It could be possible and it is going to be painful. 

Not being in the most powerful and most influential social media ( you know what) is hard, it is very hard. I need a divine intervention to help me 'unhook' myself from this. But hey, it is possible. IT IS!

As long as I am in the cyber world and connected and networking this goes on.  The bitch goes on. Maybe I have cut own on the bitch but there will still be reading on larva hot gossips, exchanging of information of some creatures i called friends or the USE-TO-CALL-FRIENDS. 

Good bye world & Hello Social Siberia? Maybe baby or Maybe not.

Whales

Whale watching. First time in our lives, such a beautiful sight, beautiful site. Weather was good.

We were at Cape Leeuwin Augusta, tip of Perth. It was so cold, quiet and serene. It somehow reminds me of Teletubby land.

It was a 2-hour boat trip out into the ocean and it was all worth it.

The highlight of the trip was 'Gandolf', a humpback whale. The ship crew decide to call it that because of it's white strip on his back, ok whtever. There were 3 of them, gathering near the boat but I was too caught up with my camera, getting ready to snap. But I was slow and also missed that moment. So I decided to put my camera aside and look at them. It was breathtaking. I wanted to cry.

The chap beside me went " Oh my god" like 5 times when he saw the whales jump out of the water. No words could describe how breathtaking it was for us.

Our knees went soft.

The ship crew were incredible, they were very well equipped  and their knowledge of the whales were good. They were telling us on how we should avoid other ship so that we won't stress the whales, how we should be very quiet around these creatures.

My calf (Zyan) was down with seasick so he did not quite catch the exciting parts.

But he did manage to catch some whale action, was lucky he didn't puke or cry.

*phew*

Meet Gandolf the shy one. This was one of the close shots we got of him but right after this, he came closer. And that was when I decided to bail on my camera to experience that beautiful moment.

Look at this Baby whale, pale and sea sick. My poor baby. But he did enjoyed this experience with the wild creature. Something you won't get to do back home AYE?

Our Happy and satisfied shot at Cape Leeuwin Light house. Can you see the background? Does it look like where the Teletubbies might live.

Can't wait for our next adventure trip! Till we meet again Gandolf.